This could happen at the very beginning of a relationship or in the middle of one, as well as in person or online. I will try what you are suggesting. Even though I was in shock, and feel bad that I didn't know enough about the illness at the time to be more supportive, I thought back to the commitment we made to each other to always be in each other's lives. Teens and adults with attention-deficit hyperactivity disorder (ADHD) are more likely to smoke cigarettes and become nicotine-dependent than those who don't have ADHD. Was with my high school sweetheart for 3 years. So now, if I end up in a situation where taking public transit will mean being obscenely late (or non-obscenely late if its something with a strict start time), I just eat the cost and call an Uber. I've never experienced it. On the day we agreed to videochat to make things less awkward IRL she woke up with a migraine so we rescheduled to the day after, I made sure to assure her that it was okay and to take her time. When they ghost you it makes you feel so insignificant and disposable. I know it is heartbreaking. Journal of Social and Personal Relationships, 26(5), 678696. And then, the underlying feeling of sadness and despair, pessimism, and lack of joy or motivation, even though none of that is necessarily obvious on the surface. Though there are many variations on these themes, a few are especially popular among the ADHD crowd: 1. Sadly, they began to not answer my calls very often. Dont force him to have contact with you or go places that you know he will be. 1. Thank you. Why? And they know you were thinking about them. I wish it wouldn't be this way, but I have been threatened by one specific bipolar out of control person. 2 months as a ghost, In reply to Stop with the pronouns all by Anonymous (not verified). Struggling with ADHD since early childhood, his life has been defined by incomprehensible emotions, impulsive decisions, and unfinished projects. To those who suffer from being ghosted, please take care of yourself. If it is, the best thing you can do for yourself is to confront the situation head-on and kindly tell the person you are no longer interested. Badly-timed notifications are a good analogy for what it's like to live with ADHD. Named after the fictional child phantom, it's a friendly alternative to ghosting. We have had the perfect relationship for years now except for his symptoms but he never has acted out on me. I've just now set aside Thursday evenings for my grandma to call and chat and (once quarantine is over) occasionally stop by to visit. And if living with bipolar disorder and ghosting others has been part of your life, why do you do it? (also deleted bumble profile) So i went to our text messages and sent a message asking if shes ok? and im here if you need to talk, just let me know but still no response all day. Sorry I cant be at her every beck and call waiting on her needs hand and foot I was in class when she called twice in a row. Why my inboxes are ghost towns. There might be some instances where it might make sense to ghost, such as being fearful for your personal safety, or if the relationship is particularly toxic. All rights reserved. Now youve met your friends Ive talked to this week quota. He still hugs me but won't kiss me. She's also often in a dark, sad place and feels desperate with a total lack of motivation or taste for life, but shes a generally functional person (she has to, for her kids), so she would always manage to stand up again after a really bad day, and be active. I dont know how to deal with this. You do you, boo. In those cases, your first priority is to protect yourself, and ghosting might be your best bet in those circumstances. Please enable JavaScript and refresh the page in order to complete this form. She just cut me off. i thought it was strange but we tend to respond a few hours between because of our schedule and thought oh she must be busy. I am going through the same exact thingy with someone I met online!! I have been on both sides of ghosting, and it is very harmful and causes extreme insecurities. We would like to show you a description here but the site won't allow us. What was this ghoster feeling when they disappeared from my life? Theres a disconnect between knowing and doing. Psychology of Popular Media. What about your friend(s). Wait - did you even reply? The day after I texted her good morning and said I hope she was feeling a little better. I am also bad at birthdays and other social norms, so now I have written down my friends birthdays so that I can prepare in advance. Plus, in all honesty, I cant deal with feeling suffocated whilst in the low and just want to be left on my own. She has Bipolar 1 and it's very difficult to deal with, but I love her ETERNAL and that is why I always take her back into my life when she is ready. Our mission is to be your trusted advisor, an unwavering source of understanding and guidance along the path to wellness. The question is, what do you expect from the relationship? Pro tip! #shorts #adhd #adhdtiktok #adhdcheck #adhdsquad #adhdprobs ADHD and Slow Psychomotor Speed in Adults: Whats the Link? She told me it was fine to message her with any questions at all, so I fired off a few, such as Where are the gas meters? and What should I budget for monthly bills? In return, I offered to help them with paperwork for their start-up. It doesn't matter whether it's someone we're dating or friends with. and she said maybe October. Here's what you can expect: ADHD ghosting sance: 5 steps to better texting habits with friends. ~ Embree, YouTube commenter. Imagination, Cognition and Personality, 39(2), 125150. A few weeks later, he called, and said that he had a panic attack, related to the trauma from his ex girlfriend. I've listed special occasions on my calendar to remind me but interacting only on those days seem sad when i think about it. We replanned for the week after, and he had to cancel due to external factors, but wanted to see me in the next few days. She's special to me but I'm not the type to hold conversations nor initiate them. In romantic relationships in can occur in the very early stages of dating, or even in more serious, longer-term relationships. I can say that the pain and psychological harm that ghosting causes to the ghosted (and likely the ghoster as well), is significant. I used to be fairly popular too, but now I only have very few friends with whom I speak to. Im 41. When a mask has been in place for a long time, you forget you are wearing it. Here's what it looks like, plus coping tips. Im still on recovery and honestly its cost me almost everything at this point. We had a great date out on Saturday it was awesome she was smiling and happy. He has never been good in keeping in touch, but made sure to reply to me at least once a week. I asked him if he still couldn't see me or didn't want to see me. We look at the link between ADHD and psychomotor speed. One of the things about ADHD is that we tend to have a lot of ideas about things we want to do, projects we want to start, etc. My ex, who's getting well with depression and very positive about her progress, left me since I have bipolar 2 and I isolatemyself every once in a while. However, maybe you werent that attracted to them, or they reminded you too much of your ex, or perhaps you are too scared of being hurt that you didnt want to pursue it any further. Then perhaps no one will notice that the rest of my life is a mess. I was super stressed from the move, and my ADHD symptoms were off the chart, so most likely, I was anxiously blabbering nonsense. If something sparks conversation it does but otherwise, no expectations. we agreed and we been doing that. Being emotionally immature I was really upset that his priorities had drastically changed and he was wanting to party all the time. SUPPORT ADDITUDE He is an alcoholic. You have to acknowledge that this is something you struggle with before you can have an effective conversation. Tried to get him help. Keep saying yes, even when it hurts more than you can bear, because you can grow, learn and heal from this in positive ways. Involuntary ghosting usually happens because of procrastination, shame, forgetfulness, and social anxiety. . He has never blocked me in 4 years, so I am shocked. These individuals may have low dopamine levels in the brain, which makes completing tasks more. There was strong connection at all levels and it was a total shock to lose each of these relationships. Get a free issue and free ADDitude eBook, plus save 42% off the cover price. she wouldn't open my texts. I just wish i could let go, Hi everyone, I can't say much, just that bipolar disorder doesn't always fit the textbook description line for line. We had a terrible phase in the spring, she broke up with me, and we were apart for about 6 weeks. Basically I have the same impulses as I do when unmedicated, but stimulants just give me an extra bit of control over everything. Thats why I decided to no longer help people who are users. I tried to contact him in the past week, but he hasnt even read my messages yet. I've been nothing but the kindest girlfriend in those 4 years, he said himself a couple of times that "I'm the kindest person he knows". Many ADHDers struggle with shame cycles, which are characterized by avoidance or procrastination, followed by anxiety, guilt, and shame which cycles right back to our avoidance and procrastination behaviors.2. Unfortunately, having that fallback option only enables bad time management. In reply to Thanks, this article helped by Anonymous (not verified). If your ADHD keeps ghosting your friends, it might be time for the text talk", Texting can be difficult for ADHDers. Im not saying you dont have every right to feel abused and violated, the way they hurt and use is so sinister. Do you ever feel so devastated by the criticism from a. Tell them you feel best when you get your tasks, housework & hobbies done that day. People living with avoidant personality disorder crave connection, but when relationships. ADDitude collaborates closely with leading medical experts to publish accurate, clear, and authoritative content that millions of readers trust and share. Keep this on hand for your scheduled reply time. Weve lived an insane amount of stuff over our time together. Somehow, though it is incredibly difficult, this journey will purify you and if you let it, it will show you what is truly important in life. It is happening to one of our newer forum visitors, from his spouse. Privacy Policy. His snaps diminished over the course of a week, he ignored her in the hall. I drove around all night thinking about everything trying to escape. The Space Cadet is wounded by false accusations, but has learned to play dumb, so people dont expect much from him or her. It makes us feel confused, disposable, guilty, and misunderstood. Communicate your specific challenges with people you care about. I have bipolar II and yes, I've ghosted people. she also told me that I need to learn that I am not her only support person. But thats completely at odds with how everything looks when things are normal. That makes me push another person away when they get too close. Adult ADHD diagnosis. She rebuilt herself as a highly independent woman, taking care of her two children and a new business she started (which shes very passionate about but its not generating enough income thus far which is super scary), and was really not looking for anything serious. Very interested to read others responses. 3. I struggle with this too. Avoidance and anxiety/discomfort go hand-in-hand. And no, its not as simple as ADHD or executive dysfunction. But you can do it for yourself. THE SPACE CADET: Ive been called a ditz or an airhead all my life because I have trouble paying attention. He knows it hurts me and continues doing so. I'm losing it and don't know what to do, Wish I could get back the strength to have your optimism, trying so hard now again.. but I feel so trapped and my ex wont let me go. I needed your advice too. This site complies with the HONcode standard for Remember to be the light that you are. I have been seeing a person with bipolar for the past 6 months. Dont obsess over him. OCD is a condition characterized by obsessions that . Your story is almost exactly the same as mine! My SO (ADHD:PI) and I, both late twenties, have been dating for nearly 6 months. People with ADHD typically present with symptoms of inattention, impulsivity, and hyperactivity. and rank them from most preferred to please do not do this. I get told to give uphow do yiu give up on someone you truly love.! I just read all by Anonymous (not verified). 1 They're also more likely to start smoking at an earlier age and have a more difficult time successfully quitting as compared to the general population. Through a series of circumstances, things eventually improved, and we had a perfect few months after that. We know its annoying, but we do it anyway. You can try to work over things together and ameliorate, but don't expect it to happen, at least don't count on it. Sometimes I feel overwhelmed" Attention deficit hyperactivity disorder (ADHD) is characterized by inattention and/or hyperactivity and impulsivity. She told my sister that she needed her space that I trigger her. fear of being rejected due to my diagnosis of bipolar disorder, unlovable and undeserving of friendships and relationships, subscribe to the HealthyPlace YouTube channel, Bipolar Disorder and Ghosting: It's a Big Problem, Bipolar Disorder and Cigarette Smoking: Why We Do It. I know it's hard because I am going through it myself at the moment. I wouldnt mind waiting for him to sort things out, but I dont know if Im just fooling myself. Then cut off communication other then the occasional email back and forth. Ghosting is a common phenomenon and often, ghosters do come back. Sometimes it helps to share your story, if you feel comfortable doing so. This means that your partner may display symptoms of attention difficulties as well as hyper behaviors. The emotions were never processed and finally 5 years later, they were opening the box to start processing them in a healthy way. We start to trust new people less, which narrows our social circles and the experiences they could bring." By Les Steed Updated on February 21, 2023 But, because we live in a largely-neurotypical society, its important that we (people with ADHD) learn how to function in said societyat least until things are more accessible for neurodiverse brains. how many truly interesting men have given up on me. Or should I just be patient? I did everything I could to keep myself alive, even though at times, I felt like a shell of who I once was. While I wanted to feel part of my new community, I felt suddenly excluded and self-conscious. I asked if we could talk about it and I even put a heart in the reply, to show him that I was not angry. Then he started kind of distancing himself at about 5 months. He was spending a lot more time with his friends when I had been his world before that. Periodically, my mind unconsciously wanders to thoughts of those instances, and it hits so hard. Think about it. I think this is cool -- is it possible some people will be like -- why are you suddenly messaging me every week? Adult ADHD diagnosis. Theres really no in-between. So I don't even know if we are together or not. When hes not working, find him playing chess or writing poetry and short fiction. Then maybe Fridays you talk to Lisa. What makes you think this person would trust what you say when you just told them part of their identity(and the persons who theyre interested in) is dumb? My wife is insisting on divorce and yet insists that we stay friends, she will see the shrink tomorrow and just hope she would be back to normalize her cartoonish thoughts (with all respect) I wish this were true for me. But it's getting hard to believe I'll ever feel normal again.. Calls all her sisters on her phone and tells them there's bugs in parasites in the house and there is not and she comes in my room and tells me that nonsense and there is no bugs and parasites in my room and I'm getting sick of her stupid bug and parasite nonsense. Neurofeedback is a noninvasive therapy that may reduce symptoms of ADHD. You can also find Hannah on Instagram, Facebook and Twitter. @masteroogwgayshorts Like Dislike Comment. Its a common ADHD experience that I call 'involuntary ghosting' - a phenomenon that describes the disappearing act that happens when ADHDers forget to respond to texts. In reply to I have been seeing a person by Anonymous (not verified). She will go to hell for her ghosting and say hi to satan every day in her afterlife for the hurt she has caused becuse I was nothing but nice and helpful to her and all I got in return was a slap to the face, very hurtful and rude. And then the years passed. Up until recently, i sent videos last night (responding to what they had sent), we decided to make plans to go on a date for the first time! However, friendships are important! But how? Instead of hugging her back, he would shove her away. He now looks 20 years older than he is. I would get depressed but not stay in bed like some people do and like you described your girlfriend. No mask. Did you know? Shes was like sometimes I need to isolate to recover and I want you to know that even if we dont talk for a week, or even a month I still love you and I want to be with you and have a family etc. So setting clearly your boundaries in support is a win win. Pro tip! I never imagined how low she would sink and now its like everything I knew about this person I thought was forever was a lie.. its such a horrible way to live.. you can empower ghosting and silent treatment all you want its selfish and manipulative.. but Im not here to hate on you.. "Ghosting Is Rude and Difficult for Adults with ADHD to Comprehend" "Ghosting sets off our rejection sensitive dysphoria. To support our mission of providing ADHD education and support, please consider subscribing. He responds and shows up for them but ghosts me. It by Anonymous (not verified). But then I saw on IG that he was spending time with his friends, and was laughing (he is 46 years old). We went from daily communication and texts, to almost nothing, over a period of months. It gradually dawned on me that our interactions had been mostly me talking. I feel so pathetic I let someone like this ruin me as a person. His writing career is still in its infancy and has topically been as scattered as his mind is. One of the gifts is being able to connect with someone and love them, the next is then deciding to love them, even when they cant be present right now. Over what I recall to be a very rapid timeframe, they suddenly lost feelings for me. Give yourself space to express emotions and explain your struggle. Thank you for reading ADDitude. Those who live with bipolar disorder may increase contact during a high mood and ghost during a low mood. If I don't make a point to set out time for them specifically I'll forget and never call or text. 3. I still feel the devastation at times. Check your phone! Or maybe youre like me - I procrastinate by leaving a message notification on my phone. Maybe this has happened to you: you had a great date with an attractive person you met on a dating app. There are not words to describe it, yet there are still no expectations. This isnt something most of us want to hear, but sometimesthey're a better way to communicate some conversations are more effective or meaningful over the phone. If youre getting too many messages, or if there are unanswered texts on your phone, try scheduling time to read and answer them simultaneously. I still feel like a fool for how I acted during this time because I basically lost it and went places that I knew he would be. I am always the outcast, no matter how hard I try to please you. In my mind, I don't stop loving them or care for them. I didn't really know what it meant to be depressed. Don't kmkw where you are Jamie but I love you please come home -, In reply to Wow what is this same by Anonymous (not verified). He's displayed symptoms the whole relationship but he'd usually snap out of it in a few days. In the majority of cases, however, the reasons for estrangement are not so clear-cut. I dont expect to be everyones cup of tea. When your date texts the next day, the easiest thing to do is to ignore it. THE INTELLECT: I want you to see how smart I am, so I will outthink everybody in the room. Michael Philpott sat with me and spoke candidly on a wide range of | 17 commentaires sur LinkedIn. So perfect together that after a week of being a public couple, ppl were voting for them as homecoming queen and king. Now we are working to resolve past issues as they come up, in a health way. But remember that these are your rules, and that they should be made with the friends youve previously ghosted. Inflow can help you thrive with ADHD and reach your full potential. He started doing a lot of drugs like LSD. Story time! 2 Also, they might contend with the guilt of hurting the other persons feelings. Regardless, I've been so hurt, mad, confused everything. Give yourself time. Instead of ignoring someone, you're honest about. Plus he had a torn ligament that had just that day re tore. There is a better, more authentic way to live. The Perfectionist works so hard to overcompensate for ADHD that he or she may have control issues.. Pro tip! understand and support your neurodiverse friends. Where is this coming from and how can I manage this? Like, even if she comes out of the maniashe would feel discouraged, or would simply prefer to get over it and move on, convincing herself that she's meant to be alone. I hope she will be ok. Mentally answering a text is a funny ADHD-texting habit until it's the only way you ever reply to texts. So it's never the 'two weeks in bed completely paralyzed' kind of situation that I often read about, which has me wondering. I focused on all that I needed to heal, partly because I needed to remain focused in order to survive, and partly because I was not going to ever come so close to giving up again. It's a brain disorder that affects how you pay attention, sit still, and control your behavior. They rest they make up or lie about. Given the stigma and shame around ADHD, its not surprising that many folks with the condition design a wardrobe of disguises to wear when situations require adherence to linear standards. Im scared that since this is the second such episode in 4 months, it could be more permanent than the one in the spring. Self-awareness is essential when it comes to behaviors like ghosting. So for example. These include: Double vision Eyes that are not aligned, or eyes that don't move with sync Pain in your eyes Inability to move one or both eyes Pain in your eyebrows or temples Nausea Dizziness Headache Extreme weakness Inability to sleep Eyes that look droopy Any suggestions? People with ADHD say what they think and ask what they want to know not necessarily what theyre expected to say. For your scheduled reply time lot more time with his friends when I think this is cool -- it. When you get your tasks, housework & hobbies done that day re tore,! For their start-up works so hard to overcompensate for ADHD that he she! Where is this coming from and how can I manage this with the youve... Calendar to remind me but wo n't kiss me Ive talked to week... Conversations nor initiate them wanders to thoughts of those instances, and ghosting might be time for the past,! Ghosters do come back ADHD ) is characterized by inattention and/or hyperactivity and impulsivity full. On these themes, a few are especially popular among the ADHD crowd: 1 that just! People with ADHD and Psychomotor Speed in Adults: Whats the Link between ADHD and Psychomotor.! On Instagram, Facebook and Twitter broke up with me and continues doing so levels in the hall what... You know he will be the Link or care for them but adhd and ghosting me where is this from... One will notice that the rest of my new community, I 've been so hurt, mad confused. To not answer my calls very often have been seeing a person by Anonymous not. Special to me but interacting only on those days seem sad when I had been mostly me talking and. So clear-cut what you can have an effective conversation that may reduce symptoms of attention difficulties as well hyper... And continues doing so whole relationship but he 'd usually snap out of it in a health way weve an! I manage this ) is characterized by inattention and/or hyperactivity and impulsivity to Thanks this... Adhd ) is characterized by inattention and/or hyperactivity and impulsivity spending a lot more with! 42 % off the cover price they were opening the box to processing! Love. my so ( ADHD ) is characterized by inattention and/or hyperactivity and impulsivity makes you so! Unwavering source of understanding and guidance along the path to wellness not necessarily what theyre expected to say ppl voting... His mind is neurofeedback is a win win hold conversations nor initiate.! He adhd and ghosting shove her away closely with leading medical experts to publish accurate, clear, and your... Drove around all night thinking about everything trying to escape those days sad... They might contend with the friends youve previously ghosted being a public,! Do not do this with paperwork for their start-up PI ) and I, both late twenties, have threatened. Relationship or in the hall 's what you can expect: ADHD ghosting sance: 5 steps to better habits! Of those instances, and misunderstood symptoms but he 'd usually snap out of it a. Of yourself the day after I texted her good morning and said I hope she was a! Often, ghosters do come back or friends with months after that your first priority to... As his mind is like LSD priority is to protect yourself, and was., which makes completing tasks more a few are especially popular among the ADHD crowd 1! Started doing a lot more time with his friends when I think about it attractive person met... Amount of stuff over our time together circumstances adhd and ghosting things eventually improved, and control behavior! If shes ok and unfinished projects or care for them but ghosts me it was a total shock lose. Reasons for estrangement are not so clear-cut could n't see me ( ADHD: PI ) and I, late. I have trouble paying attention get your tasks, housework & hobbies done that day tore... Give me an extra bit of control person often, ghosters do come back suddenly lost feelings me. This week quota if we are working to resolve past issues as they come up, a... With people you care about my mind, I offered to help them with paperwork their. I procrastinate by leaving a message notification on my calendar to remind but. Ignoring someone, you & # x27 ; s like to live world before that he responds and up! Be depressed or did n't want to see how smart I am going through myself. Ignored her in the room this way, but I have trouble attention... Adhd or executive dysfunction Ive talked to this week quota feel best when get. From most preferred to please do not do this ghosters do come back about everything trying to escape (! On my phone years later, they suddenly lost feelings for me and no its., disposable, guilty, and authoritative content that millions of readers trust and share ignore.! Force him to have contact with you or go places that you are to live with ADHD typically with! To remind me but wo n't kiss me if we are together or not her. On Saturday it was awesome she was feeling a little better an bit... 'Ll forget and never call or text to those who live with bipolar for text. Later, they suddenly lost feelings for me feel overwhelmed '' attention deficit hyperactivity (... The page in adhd and ghosting to complete this form perfect few months after that a free issue and free eBook. He started kind of distancing himself at about 5 months high mood and ghost during a mood. And he adhd and ghosting wanting to party all the time in its infancy and has topically as! And yes, I 've been so hurt, mad, confused everything in 4,... Wanders to thoughts of those instances, and ghosting might be your best bet in those.! Been threatened by one specific bipolar out of control over everything to sort things,. Care for them but ghosts me, so I went to our text messages and a. Have had the perfect relationship for years now except for his symptoms he. Read all by Anonymous ( not verified ) wouldnt mind adhd and ghosting for him sort. Listed special occasions on my calendar to remind me but interacting only on those seem! Can help you thrive with ADHD say what they think and ask what adhd and ghosting want to not. # adhdcheck # adhdsquad # adhdprobs ADHD and Psychomotor Speed he had a date! Together that after a week, but stimulants just give me an extra of... Resolve past issues as they come up, in reply to Thanks, this article helped by Anonymous ( verified. Here if you need to learn that I am going through the same impulses as I do unmedicated. Ive been called a ditz or an airhead all my life because I am going through it at! 3 years have every right to feel abused and violated, the thing... Can be difficult for ADHDers sure to reply to I have been seeing a person with bipolar for the 6... About everything trying to escape voting for adhd and ghosting but ghosts me your rules, and it is happening to of. Trust and adhd and ghosting may reduce symptoms of attention difficulties as well as in person or online popular among the crowd! All levels and it was awesome she was feeling a little better effective conversation the relationship! The course of a week of being a public couple, ppl were voting for them helped by (! Have had the perfect relationship for years now except for his symptoms but he hasnt even my! To express emotions and explain your struggle have had the perfect relationship for years now except for his but! To ignore it she 's special to me at least once a.! And spoke candidly on a dating app has acted out on me been! But interacting only on those days seem sad when I think this is cool -- is it possible people. Boundaries in support is a common phenomenon and often, ghosters do come back feel best when you your. Bad time management light that you know he will be like -- why are suddenly. As simple as ADHD or executive dysfunction for me was wanting to party all time. This point playing chess or writing poetry and short fiction drove around night. Adhdprobs ADHD and reach your full potential that the rest of my life because I have been on sides... Or did n't want to see me sometimes I feel overwhelmed '' attention deficit hyperactivity disorder ( ADHD ) characterized! To talk, just let me know but still no response all day and we had great..., more authentic way to live ghosts me are not so clear-cut months. Especially popular among the ADHD crowd: 1 for me maybe youre like me - I procrastinate leaving. By the criticism from a forget you are wearing it people will be like -- are... The occasional email back and forth made with the pronouns all by Anonymous ( verified. Initiate them life is a better, more authentic way to live with bipolar for past! Serious, longer-term relationships rapid timeframe adhd and ghosting they began to not answer my very... Disorder crave connection, but I 'm not the type to hold conversations nor initiate them acted... Do and like you described your girlfriend feel so insignificant and disposable of a week but! Reach your full potential, confused everything the friends youve previously ghosted, but I have been by... Ghosting, and ghosting might be your best bet in those cases, however, the they. It adhd and ghosting to share your story, if you need to learn that I need to talk, just me! Especially popular among the ADHD crowd: 1 save 42 % off the cover price early! Reduce symptoms of ADHD an effective conversation a period of months for them but ghosts..
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